


please, understand my heart

by wartransmission



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Drabble, Ep 12 introspection, M/M, and possessive yuuri, bc of course i would write that, mildly possessive viktor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-10-07 07:26:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10355202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wartransmission/pseuds/wartransmission
Summary: For all that Yuuri is verbal about keeping his hold on Viktor, outright in staking his claim on this man who chose to be his coach, he had known that the end was inevitable.





	

For all that Yuuri is verbal about keeping his hold on Viktor, outright in staking his claim on this man who chose to be his coach, he had known that the end was inevitable.

He isn’t here to keep Viktor all to himself. He knows better than to believe he could keep Russia’s champion. Beyond Russia’s claim on him, beyond the medals adorning his name, the ice has always had a better, firmer hold on this man who brought Yuuri’s first love into being.

Yuuri is firm in making his claim because he _knows_ this. He held no shame in slipping that ring onto Viktor’s finger because it was a symbol to bind them, even when their eventual separation would come. He is selfish, he knows, but who wouldn’t be? How could he even think to be selfless in this, when he knows how limited his time is with the man who made him fall in love with skating?

In this, the pages of his story are not aligned with Viktor’s.

For all that Yuuri is possessive to protect what little time he has with Viktor, Viktor is possessive because he knows (he _knows_ ) that this is the one thing that will last, the one person that will stay by his side. He does not speak of it beyond the casual slip of “my” along with Yuuri’s name whenever he speaks of him, does not tell the world of his love the same way Yuuri does, but his body shows it enough.

At least, he had thought it would.

Everyone knows that Yuuri is his. Everyone is aware that Viktor will protect this man who will break his records and take him into bigger, better surprises, everyone knows that Viktor is so, so _proud_ of him. Everyone knows that for all that his touches are casual in appearance, with his hand on Yuuri’s hip or curled over his shoulder, it only means, _I am in love with this man, and he is mine. He has always been mine, as much as I am his._

But it seems that Yuuri does not know this. Because he says “ _let’s end this_ ” and he _means it_ , thinking that Viktor would find joy on the ice without him. He says “ _let’s end this_ ” and he smiles, because he genuinely believes that Viktor is more than willing to break away from his side for the ice that has never loved him back as Yuuri has.

Viktor has never heard a lie this painful being said, has never heard such a slanderous thing attached to his name that it made him feel _ill_.

He doesn’t understand this.

He doesn’t understand Yuuri.

He doesn’t understand how things could have gone so wrong so fast, so easily.

“Huh?” Viktor croaks out, uncertain, unsure.

Yuuri says, “ _Thank you for being my coach_ ” and it sounds like “ _goodbye_ ,” and-

“Viktor?” Yuuri mutters, watching in slow-growing disbelief as tears trickle down Viktor’s cheeks.

Viktor wants to say, _How cruel can you be?_

He wants to say _, Please, please don’t leave me. That is the last thing I would ever want you to do._

He says, “Aa, I didn’t expect Katsuki Yuuri to be such a selfish human being.”

Yuuri answers, “Yes,” but he doesn’t understand. He thinks he is selfish for having stolen Viktor’s time. He thinks he is selfish for choosing to retire without first letting Viktor know.

He doesn’t know that Viktor thinks he is selfish for choosing to be cruel to him, for choosing on his own to break Viktor’s heart (for the _second time_ ) for the sole purpose of having his idol back on the ice.

Isn’t it enough, that Viktor loves him too?

Isn’t it enough, that he already has Viktor’s heart?

He says, desperate and angry, “How can you tell me to return to the ice while saying you’re retiring?”

But what he means is,

“ _How can you be alright with this? How can you ask me to leave you and expect me to be okay with it?_

_How can you expect me to be fine, when you’re telling me to be alone again, as I have been before you?”_

**Author's Note:**

> oh lord its 1am
> 
> im going to sleep now lmao
> 
> [as always, feedback is much loved! if you read this far, thank you very much!!! ♥♥]


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